Split Decision MMA

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Who is Mayweather trying to bullshit?

August 9, 2017

We all know Conor is younger and bigger. We have been saying that since this fight was made official. Does Floyd think that we are supposed to believe he just realized this? GTFO with that bullshit. I don't think these guys cold be more transparent if they had a script in front of them. As of right now there are a ton of tickets left over for this fight. Why? Because fans of both sports know it's a bullshit fight, and the filthy casuals that actually want to see this fight aren't dropping $1,600 on a damn ticket. Sure, some tickets were sold to people who just wanted to flash the fact that they were going to be there, but all those people are done buying tickets. Now you have to convince real fans with real money that this event is worth it. How do you do that? Have Floyd basically admit he might lose. So now people who have been laughing at the Great White Hype of Conor McGregor have to take pause to wonder if Floyd is in his own head. He isn't. Don't believe the hype. Floyd is a boxer and he knows how to win. Conor is not a boxer and won'tr defend the belts he already has. Stay Woke


Me VS the home remodel

August 2, 2017

I know I am supposed to be blogging more, but I will be honest here; I am losing the battle with my home remodel. It is literally just sucking away at my will to live. I am not gonna sit here and bitch about everything that has gone wrong so far, or how much more money is being spent than planned, but just know it's plenty on both accounts. I really wanted this to be done before my kids got home next week, and that isn't gonna happen. Every day it's another uphill battle over carpet, or tile, or what stupid shower head goes in what bathroom, or what color grout we want. I just want a toilet that flushes, a shower that works, and a floor I can walk on. At this point I don't care of the carpet is hot pink and the faucet is a garden hose, I just want it over with. This has to be what Tonya Evinger felt like against Cyborg last week. I don't care how, just end it already.

That fight was hard to watch. I can't blame Cyborg for keeping it going for as long as she did. When she dropped Tonya with the very first punch of the fight, you kind of saw a little panic in her eye because she knew she needed some more screen time for people to really grasp who she is. We've known about Cyborg for quite a while, but even the house I was watching the UFC at had people convinced that Rhonda Rousey could beat her. People don't understand the sheer domination this woman has put forth in MMA for over a decade. She has 1 loss on her record and that was her very first fight. She has only been to decision twice in 20 fights, and the last time was in 2008. She has KO'd or TKO'd her last 13 opponents in a row. She is possibly the most dominant woman to ever fight in MMA, but instead I had to sit in a house full of filthy casuals saying that she would get smoked by Rhonda and making juvenile jokes about her appearance. I am possibly the most immature person on the planet, and even I am over those jokes. She is a fighter, and she is damn good at her craft. Will we ever see her fight Rousey? Probably not. According to Dana, Rhonda is probably done completely in MMA. Would I like to see that fight? Maybe. I'd prefer to have seen it 3 years ago. Now I really wouldn't want to hear the excuses people would make for Rhonda being in her own head. Cyborg beats peak Rhonda 10/10 times. Cyborg would do what Amanda Nunes did, but to prime Rhonda. I would put my house on that. Plus she trains with and is BFFs with the female version of the Mountain from Game of Thrones, Gabi Garcia. 


See that? That means that Cyborg's sparring sessions are literally tougher than any opponent she will ever face in the cage. To be honest here, I believe that she could even beat Gabi in an actual MMA match solely because I am not sure that even Gabi could take a punch from her, based on previous fights. That fight will never happen though. 

Anyway, here is a live look at me vs my home remodel:


Can we talk about Brock vs Jon Jones for a second?

July 26, 2017

My last post (I know, I need to be blogging more, home remodel is kicking my ass) talked about the return of Brock Lesnar and how it was extremely unlikely due to his frozen suspension. Well the internet is stupid and decided it is true and he is coming back (He isn't, not this year) and fighting none other than Jon Jones


Me being the MMA purist that I am , I absolutely hate this idea. There are rumors that the WME is having some issues hitting it's projected numbers and are throwing the playbook out the window in order to make some quick serious cash. 

Regardless of the rumors, facts are facts. One is that Brock cannot return until 2018, so cool your jets. Another is that the idea that both of these clowns could make it to a fight without pissing hot is a Vegas gamble in itself. Would WME make some serious money if this fight happened? Probably. But how much would WME lose promoting this fight just for Jon Jones to go on a bender with some fake boner pills, or Brock to forget he was taking tainted hits form his inhaler? Risk vs reward my friends, and I don't see this being a smart gamble at all. Then again, I play it safe which is why I never hit a big jackpot. 

The stats:

Jon Jones is 6'4, 205 LBS with a 84.5" reach. He has only one loss on his record, and everyone knows it was a bullshit loss. So he could honestly be considered undefeated, and as much as I don't like the guy I can't argue that he is one of the GOATs in the cage. Jon just got his BJJ blue belt and was a high school state champ wrestler, but has proven in the cage that he is a natural fighter. 

Brock Lesnar is an inch shorter and significantly heavier, coming in at the limit of 265 lbs, and 3 inches shorter on the reach. Brock is also 10 years older. Brock is one of the greatest collegiate wrestlers of all time, but is absolutely horrible in the cage. 

I can't believe I am actually saying this, but if this fight were to happen I assume Jones would walk in at 230 minimum, still giving up 35 lbs to Lesnar. After careful consideration in my head over this (Really more like 5 minutes of day dreaming), I have to give this fake fight to Jones. 

In all fairness, Jones' only real adversary is himself. I don't even know what DC is going to be able to do this Saturday...Assuming the fight even happens at this point. 

Round the water cooler with Brock Lesner and Cain Velasquez

July 20, 2017

Here we are with a few huge rumors floating around the interwebs. The first of which is Brock Lesner jumping back into the USADA pool for a possible UFC return. Now I just want to take this time to point out that we called Brock's last return before even Ariel Helwani announced it. We noticed that Brock was added back into the UFC Heavyweight roster and ran with it form there. I got shit on on Reddit for speculating, but it turned out we were right as always. Now at this point in time, Brock is not on the UFC roster. Jeff Novitzky of the UFC says not only has Brock not re-entered the USADA pool, but even if he did his suspension still stands. Meaning when he "retired", his suspension was frozen until his return so even if he did return to the pool, he would still be suspended for a year +/-. You know us though, we never believe anything the UFC says. On that note, I am still going to say this rumor has nothing to it as we have no chance of seeing Brock Lesner until August 2018. 

Next up, Cain Velasquez making his triumphant return to the UFC 216 against none other than Stipe Miocic for the gold! 


We haven't seen Cain since UFC 200 (July 9, 2016), when he KO'd Travis Browne and got performance of the night. Cain is an amazing fighter, but as one Reddit user put it, he is a "bag of broken parts that can only be assembled at sea level". Ariel Helwani also put the brakes on this rumor anyway. 


And Stipe won't discuss anything until the contract issues are sorted. That being said, I am kinda bummed. I have been on the Cain Train since day one, and at the same time it would be nice to see any UFC heavyweight rack up more than 2 wins in a row. 

That's it for me today. So I leave you with this magical fight between a garbage can and machete. 


Taco Bell fight. Who ya got?

July 18, 2017

What a ride! I had no idea what was happening at first, but then it all became pretty clear. What I am getting is that home boy in the jeans brought mom down to Taco Bell to settle a score with his former boss. This may seem like a pussy move, but any smart individual knows you don't fuck with a Latin woman. He basically brought an unstoppable force with him. She is throwing ices team containers everywhere, and the manager is powerless. He takes off his shirt and swear he is going to hit her, but he knows damn well if he does that then him mom will magically appear out of nowhere and beat his ass too. So while mom and manager are facing off in the kitchen, home boy in the jeans proceeds to try and call more home boys to come to the Taco Bell. Look man, bringing your mom was a bold move. Some may even call it a solid strategy, but if you AND your mom can't handle the situation then maybe it is time to pack it in. Then we have the real MVPs of the scenario, which are the other Taco Bell employees that continue to hook the drive through customers up with their Cheesey Gordita Crunches and Chalupa Supermes. Honestly, if I am on my 30 minute lunch break, all I want is my damn food. I don't care if Red Dawn is going down, just give me my Crunch Wrap Supreme and let me get back to work. So the manager takes off his shirt (bold move) and mom picks up a spatula, and just when it is about to go down the cops show up and call the fight. mom and Junior are now gonna go cool off in jail for a bit and realize what a huge mistake they made. Corporate is probably going to suspend the manager for violating the "No Shirt" policy, but in reality he just didn't want to rip his uniform and have to buy another one. I'm declaring this fight a no contest. 

UFC Glassgow!

July 17, 2017

What a weekend!

First off, we had 4 first round knock outs including the main event of Ponzinibbo KO'ing Nelson. Paul Felder elbowed Steven Ray, Khalil Roundtree slept Paul Craig, and Galore Bafondo put a stop to an attempted hip toss from Charlie Ward to slam him to the mat earning the first 1st round KO of the night. 


Leslie Smith started off the night with a second round TKO over Amanda Lemos. So really if you like finishes, this was an excellent card. 


Now I had an entire follow up blog to this, but it was deleted and I don't feel like retyping it. So here are Floyd's lifts form over the weekend:

Which is really not a good look. Lifts are out of the question. 

In closing, let's take a quick look at Cyborg throwing out the first pitch at the Angel's game over the weekend. 

August 26th can't get here fast enough.

July 13, 2017

It's going to be a long 5 weeks for fans of actual MMA. 2 days of the Mayweather/McGregor circus are in the books, and if you want to find literally ANYTHING else MMA related you have to dig deep. I've been watching, and it seems ridiculous to me that people are buying into this shit so much. You watch the press conferences, and Floyd just sits there while Conor runs his mouth and waits for his turn to do the same, and then Conor sits there. These guys know exactly what they are doing, and everyone else is just eating out of their hands. Something I did notice was when Floyd wrapped the flag around himself and Conor picked up Floyd's bag of money, Conor flinched first. Conor said he wasn't going to give the money back until Floyd put the flag down, but Conor actually gave in and put the bag back long before Floyd handed the flag back to him, then Conor throws the flag at him to get the crowd all riled up. I haven't seen anything this tansparent since I got my new windows installed last month. 

But it's working. 

My Facebook feed is full of people coming out of the woodwork for this fight. The Conor train is taking on new passengers at every stop and all of them are handing Floyd the money for their ticket. I feel like if they ever made a movie about this, it should star Damon Wayans, Samuel L Jackson, Jamie Foxx, and Jeff Goldblum. Oh wait...

I seriously can't wait for this fight to be over. Honestly, if the bell rang for round one and a meteor crashed into the T-mobile center before they even exchanged punches, I would be ok with that. We have UFC 214 right around the corner, and no one cares. DC v Jones 2 is finally happening, and not one person is talking about it. Everyone is saying that conor is P4P the greatest shit talker of all time. really? The Diaz bros invented that game. Chael was able to talk better game without ever yelling into a microphone. DC and JJ talking shit when the cameras weren't supposed to be rolling. All of that paved the way for this loud mouthed leprechaun. 

Do you realize that not only is the PPV gonna run you $100, but to see it live the tickets are anywhere from $500 - $100,000?

I feel like this entire scenario could be a sub plot for Idiocracy 2. 

At yesterday's presser, Conor said this: 

Someone's 0 must go? Did Conor forget about getting choked out by Diaz or Duffy? Maybe he forgot about that kneebar from Sitenkov. Or maybe he is referring to both the 0s in his 0-0 boxing record...

Floyd has 49 boxing matches. Floyd has never been defeated. Floyd has defended multiple belts. 

Conor has 24 MMA fights. Conor has been defeated 3 times. Conor has NEVER defended any of the belts he has earned. 

Stay Woke. 

Welcome to the Circus.

July 12, 2017

This is all over the internet today. This is the suit Conor wore to the first press conference for Mayweather vs McGregor. Yes it says Fuck You in pin stripes. No, Floyd had no idea what it said until someone read it to him later. I'll post the video of the ridiculous presser that was over an hour long featuring a performance from Aloe Blacc at the end of this short, stupid, one sided blog. Basically, all you need to know is that Conor is better at talking shit than Floyd (Shocker), and Floyd is probably a little unfocused because the IRS is currently probing him like he was just abducted to their ship. People online seem to be surprised that Conor is taller than Floyd. Well guess what people? Conor is the all around bigger fighter here. Everyone on the Conor train is saying that he is going to win because of this fact, and that he is younger. I honestly can't believe how many people on my Facebook feed are buying into this hype. I also can't believe that the UFC banned Areil Helwani from the fight tour. Although I think it had something to do with Ariel calling out Dana for having Cyborg blocked on Social Media at a presser and then asked Dana publicly to unblock him, to which Dana refused. 

Now that is hilarious. He claims he didn't block Cyborg, and then has to ask for help from some lackey off stage because Uncle Dana doesn't understand technology. All around beautiful. Yeah, I am pretty sure Ariel was removed from the presser for making Dana look like an idiot. Anyway, here is the full press conference with Floyd and Conor. Enjoy.  

What will Conor v Mayweather cost you? here ya go.

July 11, 2017

So the numbers are in and it appears the Conor v Mayweather fight is gonna cost you exactly the same as the Mayweather v Paquiao fight: $89.99 for SD and $99.99 for HD. I'd love to express some kind of shock or disbelief, but the only thing I am shocked about is that it isn't more expensive. Rumors have been circulating as to why this fight is even happening. Why would Floyd agree to come out of retirement after 2 years and put his undefeated record on the line? Pride? Nah. the only thing that Floyd cares about more than keeping that 0 in his record is 0s in his bank. Now in 2016 Floyd was on the Forbes 40 under 40 list with an estimated net worth of 340 million dollars, but apparently that wasn't the whole story. Floyd, not unlike a lot of people that find themselves in the limelight with someone else handling their money, has not been paying Uncle Sam. I am certain he was getting notices in the mail, but I am also certain that he throws away any mail that isn't a Highlights magazine. In fact it is being reported that he had to file a petition to hold off on paying said taxes until after the Conor fight. Floyd has never lost a fight, but neither has Uncle Sam. Keep in mind the IRS were the ones who finally got to Al Capone. They even locked up Wesley Snipes, which I'm still bitter about because I wanted him to fight Joe Rogan at that time. Floyd is basically risking his 0 in the ring so he doesn't risk his O-ring in lock up. Either way, at this time it is still going down August 26th, will you be paying for it? It is estimated they will bring in 2-3 million PPV buys even at that price. That is a lot of Hook'd on Phonics for Floyd, and plenty of red panties for Conor. 

Aside form that, we have reports of Frank Mir getting released from his UFC contract. Even though he hasn't signed with anyone else at this time, he has stated that he would like a fight with The Last Emperor Fedor Emelianenko. Obviously in order for this to happen, Frank would need to sign with Bellator who seem to have no problem picking up where the UFC seems to be leaving off. Case in point would be Gegard Moussassi. Unlike Mir who lost his last fight, Moussasi has racked up 5 straight wins in the UFC with his last victory completing his contract obligations. So Mousassi is returning to Coker under the Bellator umbrella where he will be able to enjoy sponsorships and growing competition.

That's pretty much  all I have for you on this lovely Tuesday in July. Stay cool, and enjoy this video of Miesha Tate on Lake Mead that Dodge sent me today. Granted it's the same 4 clips over and over for a minute 45, but who cares? Cupcake. Cupcake is why Sploshing is a thing

Weekend MMA recap 07/08

July 22, 2015

What up kids! Bueller here. What a wild weekend of MMA it was huh? 

First up we had Gabi Garcia wind up with a NC after an illegal kick to her opponent Megumi Yabushita at Shoot Boxing Girls S Cup. I have no idea why Gabi was so keen on taking a 45 year old opponent on a 7 fight skid over Jazzy who has only lost 1 out of 2 MMA fights, and is visually more on her level, but I digress. It happened, now we can all move on. Gabi has her next MMA fight scheduled against 5'9, 225 lb boxer Oksana Gagloeva (Who is making her MMA debut) at the Rizin Grand Prix on July 30th. Gabi has a terrible chin, so if she wants to win this she will need to go for an ankle immediately. 

On Friday 07/07 we had TUF 25: Redemption finale. This was headlined by Michael Johnson and Justin Gaethje, but first your finale match up of Jesse Taylor vs Dhiego Lima. The last time we saw Jesse Taylor in the UFC was at UFC Fight Night 14 where he lost to CB Dollaway. Since then he has been all over the place including Dream, Strikeforce, WSOF, and various other leagues with acronyms that I don't know. Dhiego Lima last stepped in the Octagon at UFC Fight Night 66, where he lost in the very first round via TKO. Since then he has fought 3 times until Friday night. It didn't take long into the second round for Jesse to get a hold of Dhiego and put him in an RNC to end the fight and become your TUF 25 champion. Congrats and welcome back to Jesse. Now back to Michael and Justin. Justin was carrying with him a 17-0 record and the reigning 155 champ in WSOF where he defended his belt 5 times (ahem, Conor....). Michael is a UFC veteran boasting a 17-11 record coming into this fight, and IMO was a great way to test and welcome Gaethje into the octagon. In the end, this was a 2 round war. Every strike was considered significant, but it was Justin who was able to finally overpower Michael and walk away with a win. Justin is without a doubt going to be exciting to watch for as long as his head can continue to absorb punches. 

Saturday brought with it UFC 213. Obviously you already know that Amanda Nunes backed out of her main event fight due to sinusitis which moved Yoel Romero and Robert Whitaker into the main event. Uncle Dana was not too happy with this situation stating that Amanda will never headline a UFC again. UFC 213 was still pretty good, even though were a few fights short. Bobby Knuckles and Yoel Romero proved to be worth every minute of the 5 round war it turned out to be. In the end we had the fighters holding 2 rounds a piece heading into round 5. Yoel could not get a take down to save his life, and wound up using all his energy in attempts over the 25 minutes. Robert was able to take the last 90 seconds in dominant fashion and walk away with the interim Middleweight title, which Bisping was none too happy about. After Yoel talked a little bit of shit to The Count upon entering the ring, Bisping said something about Robert's belt being fake and then threw his own belt on the ground and left. It made zero sense, but Bisping usually doesn't anyway. So now we have Bisping facing Robert to unify the belts, which is the worst possible outcome for him honestly. The GSP fight is gone, which would have shown if 3 years off affected GSP's take down ability against someone with fantastic TDD. Yoel would have attempted the same with take downs and wrestling. Instead, Bisping is going to have to stand and defend, which is usually OK for the British points fighter, except Robert Whitaker connects and has power. Against GSP or Yoel, he could have sprawled and brawled all night, now he is looking at getting his eye knocked straight by the Australian. This is going to be Australia battling for reparations for Great Britain making them an exile penal colony. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. This was the first of hopefully many blogs. It was more of a test blog than anything else. Hopefully in the near future I can touch on things like the Nick Diaz suspension, Frank Mir getting released, Moussassi signing with Bellator, or any of the other stories out there. 



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